ESPN8: The Ocho schedule and more from the weirdest weekend in sports

THE OCHO!

If you’re a fan of weird sports then this is your weekend. “ESPN8: The Ocho” is back once more, turning ESPN2 into a fever dream for three days. What began as a one-off joke based on the 2004 movie Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story has now become a yearly tradition, celebrating everything from paintball to goat racing.

Running from the evening of Thursday, July 31 until Sunday, August 3 there’s wall-to-wall weird programming. Many of these events have already occurred, but this is the first time they’ll air on TV. You can find the entire schedule at the bottom of this page, but here are some of the marquee events you have to watch this weekend.

Nulu Bock Fest Goat Racing Championships — Thursday at 10:30 p.m.

They’re goats racing through the streets of Louisville. Many of the goats are wearing costumes. Everything about this speaks my language.

Wisconsin Auctioneers Championship — Friday at 3 a.m.

The skill of Wisconsin livestock auctioneers is put to the test with competitors being judged on the speed and accuracy of their calls, as well as showmanship. This determines who is the best livestock auctioneer in the state — and it’s fascinating.

Slippery Stairs — Friday at 6 p.m.

They’re stairs, which are slippery. People need to try and ascend said slippery stairs. They will fall over a lot for our amusement. This is the perfect sport.

Carjitsu Championship — Friday at 11:30 p.m.

Imagine Brazilian Jujitsu, but the fights are in the driver’s and passenger seats of a car. Yes, it’s literally fighting until tap out inside an automobile. It’s either just a weird curiosity, or a nostalgic jump back to fighting with your siblings on road trips.

Microsoft Excel World Championships — Saturday at 3 a.m.

Should you stay up until three in the morning to watch nerds use spreadsheets? Yes, yes you should.

Coffin Wars: Grapple to the Grave — Saturday at 9:30 p.m.

You know that idea of people fighting in a car? What if we stuffed them in a coffin?

Microsoft Excel World Championships 2024 — Sunday at 6 a.m.

Yes, three hours later you’re watching more Microsoft Excel.